Sometimes anger is a mask for hurt.
We feel wounded — especially when we believe we didn’t deserve the way someone treated us
What I think about the situation will either:
- Lead to a disappointment I can handle (healthy emotion), or
- Turn into deep emotional hurt (unhealthy emotion) and strong distress.
I use rational thoughts
- I accept that bad things can happen to both “good” and “bad” people.
That doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.
Maybe I’ve made some mistakes—but I’m not “bad,” other people are not “all bad”, and my life isn’t “all bad.” - I accept (and maybe even forgive) the person who hurt me.
They’re not all bad either. People make mistakes.
But I can still tell them how I feel and say that their behavior disappointed me.
If they keep crossing my boundaries, I can walk away or ask for help. - My world is not ruined. Right now, things seem bad, but I can keep going.
- I can handle the fact that life includes hard moments.
I can learn from them. I focus on the future, not just the past.
What Can I Do
- I recognize what I feel and think about the thoughts that caused it.
- I try to turn deep hurt into manageable disappointment—with rational thoughts.
- I remind myself: the other person probably didn’t mean to hurt me on purpose.
- I speak up in a calm way:
- I say how I feel
- I say what I didn’t like
- I say what I’d like instead
- I say what we can both gain (like having a better relationship, playing better together, etc.) but I also accept that they may not listen.
- I don’t isolate myself or stay alone.
- I don’t keep thinking about the past.
- I set new goals for the future and take steps to reach them.
I control hurt— hurt doesn’t control me!
- I pay attention to the worry I might have about getting hurt again.
- I know I can’t control everything, but I can control how I help myself and set boundaries.
- I remind myself that life is a mix of easy and hard, good, neutral and bad moments.
- I can feel joy again.